Skip to content

Whatchu Talmbout?

don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

Before I even get started let me just lay down a couple of facts. It is 2009. Bitches been voting for almost a hunnit (ok maybe 75) years. Now I’m not saying that I wanna throw all double standards out the window because I enjoy being able to slap on a freakum & get into a club for free. However, I want to address the idea that women cannot engage in casual relations without
being labeled a hoe. Now, there are some women that do engage in casual relations that ARE in fact hoes & I realize that these lines are blurred & that is why I, anonymous blogger (aka Ellie) am here to clarify. You’re welcome.

Now a free spirit, like myself, might engage in casual relations when need be, BUT has standards and is extremely picky when choosing a bedside partner. There is a rigorous selection process that would rival your local American Idol auditions. A hoe you can call when the homie gets out of jail & she will fuck you, him & all your homeboys in a single night with a smile on her face.

A free spirit is an independent, successful woman that is too busy grinding to dedicate time & energy to a relationship with a nigga who will more than likely be intimidated by her ambitious attitude. She might shoot you a text when she needs you, but she is not overbearing or needy. If anything you’re blowing up her spot tryna get that wonder pussy on lockdown. A hoe will wait outside your apartment fiending like a crackhead looking for a rock to smoke. She will blow up your phone, your facebook, your twitter and your mama’s house phone because she’s fiending so hard for that dick. She better not catch you with another female because her delusional freak ass is convinced that you are all, but in a relationship & will beat the shit out of whatever bitch she catch you with. She will move on only after you have changed all of your numbers, email addresses, deleted your myspace account & moved out of the county (& in some extreme cases, the state). Ironically though, a hoe is always fucking at least three niggas at a time so this cycle of chasing after dick damn near dictates her every waking moment. It’s no wonder that most hoes are still living under their mama’s roof, a dick chasing schedule like that does not allow for an actual real, paying job.

You’ll tongue the hell out of a free spirit because you trust her. Shit, you better because most free spirits enjoy kissing & will cut a nigga with a quickness if he don’t, oh & please believe that you’re not getting any of her golden goodness without going downtown & hooking a sista up beforehand. A hoe will be lucky if she gets a handshake or a pat on the back upon departure.

Free spirits are wined & dined & will even grace you with the occasional movie date. You will stay up till 2am cuddling & begging a free spirit to stay over (more often than not, she will decline as she prefers her own 400 thread count egyptian cotton sheets). You can have a deep, meaningful conversation with a free spirit as she is well versed in most subjects. A hoe is lucky if she gets a phone call instead of a text message telling her to come through. She has a time slot & had better be out before her time is up lest she is trying to piss off the next nigga on her itinerary.

I hate to be harsh, I truly do. Right now, somewhere out there, there is a hoe bowing her head in shame & praying to God that one day she too will be able to call herself a free spirit. Unfortunately booboo, ain’t no comin’ back from that kinda life.

-elliekeepsittrill

Advertisements

%d bloggers like this: