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Whatchu Talmbout?

don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

Today I was in a bad mood and I am not sure for what reason. I didn’t realize I was in a bad mood until I got to church though. Ironic. Nothing seemed like it was going right once I got there so I think I’ll just list things that pissed me off, some of which for no apparent reason.

Many of you know, if you know me in real life, that I’ve been trying to do right by the lord and then this morning I listened to a Kanye interview and something he said really resonated with me.  He said:

“I dont wanna be Jesus Christ, my whole life I was raised as a Christian and theyre like, ‘yo, be  Christ-like, be Christ-like’ and I’m like, NO! I dont wanna fuckin be Christ-like, I wanna be ME-like, I wanna be the best me because you gon fall short of being Christ-like and then youll never quite be happy. And then youll always feel like you have to give up 20% of your money to try to buy back some of this happiness or somethin like that and its just like, no, I just wanna be me”

That really resonated with me this morning, I guess more than I thought it did. Kanye has always kind of had a way of saying the things that I thought but this I never thought about in that light so it really resonated with me. It does make a lot of sense. I guess I just been feeling really frustrated because the church is telling you to put all your faith in this supernatural being and great things will happen for you but…I don’t wanna say that its hard to trust in something that no one has ever had any tangible experience with but… well, it is. I try to do my best but I’m human. This morning at church I managed to ridicule the way 2 people danced in the front row, I decided I wasmt going to greet my neighbor, a retarded girl, because I asked her to scoot down one seat for my friend and bitch said no and consequently, I started thinking of evil shit in my head involving her because at that point, I didnt give a fuck that she was retarded. she understood what I said, and had the audacity to say no. During praise and worship songs that she was feeling and rocking extra hard too left and right off beat, i wanted to push her so that she fell. in church. My I lowkey went off on 2 friends via text… so yea basically, I wasnt having a good day this morning when I got to church.

By the time church was over I had calmed down. actually by the time pastor walked out, I had calmed down, I feel like he’s like that dad who you cut out all your bullshit when he walks in the room. So anyway back to the quote. It really stuck with me. Thats not to say that i dont want to try to please God anymore because Kanye opened my eyes, but I am saying that there should be a balance between making Him happy as well as making myself happy as well. I cant stress myself out for things that I do or dont do because at the end of the day if I cant even be happy in and of myself, then how am I going to make God, happy, when I hate life. And I dont mean that to say that I’m on some illuminati type shit and my feelings are above Gods or whatever but… i dont know. I’m still figuring out myself and continuing to rediscover myself so by tmoro I could be ready to go to the church and be baptized and then by Wednesday I could be, hell, elsewhere. Does anyone read? because no one comments, what do yall think?

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