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don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

Category Archives: on some real shit.

Today I was in a bad mood and I am not sure for what reason. I didn’t realize I was in a bad mood until I got to church though. Ironic. Nothing seemed like it was going right once I got there so I think I’ll just list things that pissed me off, some of which for no apparent reason.

Many of you know, if you know me in real life, that I’ve been trying to do right by the lord and then this morning I listened to a Kanye interview and something he said really resonated with me.  He said:

“I dont wanna be Jesus Christ, my whole life I was raised as a Christian and theyre like, ‘yo, be  Christ-like, be Christ-like’ and I’m like, NO! I dont wanna fuckin be Christ-like, I wanna be ME-like, I wanna be the best me because you gon fall short of being Christ-like and then youll never quite be happy. And then youll always feel like you have to give up 20% of your money to try to buy back some of this happiness or somethin like that and its just like, no, I just wanna be me”

That really resonated with me this morning, I guess more than I thought it did. Kanye has always kind of had a way of saying the things that I thought but this I never thought about in that light so it really resonated with me. It does make a lot of sense. I guess I just been feeling really frustrated because the church is telling you to put all your faith in this supernatural being and great things will happen for you but…I don’t wanna say that its hard to trust in something that no one has ever had any tangible experience with but… well, it is. I try to do my best but I’m human. This morning at church I managed to ridicule the way 2 people danced in the front row, I decided I wasmt going to greet my neighbor, a retarded girl, because I asked her to scoot down one seat for my friend and bitch said no and consequently, I started thinking of evil shit in my head involving her because at that point, I didnt give a fuck that she was retarded. she understood what I said, and had the audacity to say no. During praise and worship songs that she was feeling and rocking extra hard too left and right off beat, i wanted to push her so that she fell. in church. My I lowkey went off on 2 friends via text… so yea basically, I wasnt having a good day this morning when I got to church.

By the time church was over I had calmed down. actually by the time pastor walked out, I had calmed down, I feel like he’s like that dad who you cut out all your bullshit when he walks in the room. So anyway back to the quote. It really stuck with me. Thats not to say that i dont want to try to please God anymore because Kanye opened my eyes, but I am saying that there should be a balance between making Him happy as well as making myself happy as well. I cant stress myself out for things that I do or dont do because at the end of the day if I cant even be happy in and of myself, then how am I going to make God, happy, when I hate life. And I dont mean that to say that I’m on some illuminati type shit and my feelings are above Gods or whatever but… i dont know. I’m still figuring out myself and continuing to rediscover myself so by tmoro I could be ready to go to the church and be baptized and then by Wednesday I could be, hell, elsewhere. Does anyone read? because no one comments, what do yall think?

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Today I would like to talk about the new immigration law so if anyone reads this please feel free to comment. I promise this post wont be ratchet.

I know this new law in Arizona got passed a like a month ago but you know, nigga aint got no cable so nigga dont be up on current events unless he signs on to twitter and the people I follow are talking about. I obviously have the internet but the things that I look up are not usually “current events.” I digress.

Today I was on Twitter and I seen the hash tag #fuckobama. I clicked it to see why folks are mad at him now and apparently its for 2 reasons.

1. Allegedly he isn’t going to be attending the memorial service or something for memorial day…ok well “da werld currs bout dat, buffeh dont.”

2. The whole immigration law being passed… ok well, I actually do care about this so Buffeh’s needs will stand down today.

I heard about the law in passing but I didnt really care or put much thought into it because I live in California… #nuffsaid. If you live in Arizona, hell, if you live in any state other than maybe New York or Florida, I probably don’t care about the goings on of your state. At any rate, I googled new immigration law and they gave me a yahoo news article…wait that just resonated with me, google gave me a link to a yahoo article; google needs more people. Anyway before I even finished reading the article, I knew I wanted to discuss this with you both.

Now, just on a “me personally” tip, I think the law is wrong and I think my entire family should think so being that most of them have migrated from the great land of Belize and the rest of us

Belize!

are like s

econd generation Belizean. However, one thing that I will always remember from college is that there is no connection between what is and what ought to be. So I asked my mom what her thoughts about the law was since, you know, she is an immigrant and everything. I expected that to strike a chord with her, for her to be up in arms about the law, for her to be on the next flight to Arizona to “tell dem weh deh pon fi she mind,” something. I got none of that. Apparently when we get our shit right, we aint worried bout nobody else because they need to get their shit together too. My mom is a citizen of the USA now so basically, she dont gibba fidduck abidout the struggle that they’re going through right now. Whats more, my mom was in complete agreement with the law. THIS CANT BE LIFE, I thought to myself. How could she, an immigrant of a country so close to Mexico, once owned by the British, be OK with this law. She gave the text book answer (my mom isn’t that deep) of they taking jobs and they need to learn how to speak English and because of them employers want us to accommodate them by being bilingual and since we cant, they have an easier time finding jobs and so on. While she does have a valid point, I feel like she should have some compassion. Just because my family and extended family, well the ones without felonies, can come and go to Belize as they please, or are over here already albeit illegally, she should feel for them because she knows what they go through. It’s kind of like one of my biggest gripes about black people. We have been through so much in American History today and we still go through some bullshit, hell in some parts of America, probably the states Buffie and I don’t care bout, were still looked at as second class citizens and yet we are so against the legalization of gay marriage. But that’s another post for another day. This blog wasnt supposed to talk about my mom or gay marriage or anything, so let me get back focused.

I read the article and in the first paragraphed I seen that the Mexicans were outraged and are getting all kinds of uncouth. “The President of Mexico is angry, protesters have smeared swastikas made out of refried beans on the Arizona House and Senate buildings’ glass doors…” I

ORALE!

aint gon even lie, I laughed at that. What better way for a Mexican to show that they are pissed than to make a swastika…out of refried beans. Anyway the article then went on to talk about what the law entails, “The law requires police to ask for immigration papers from anyone whom they have a “reasonable suspicion” might be in the country illegally. Law-enforcement officials are also empowered to detain anyone they hold in such suspicion.” Basically if you look Mexican and a cop has nothing better to do and you’re at the wrong place at the wrong time, be prepared for some shit to pop off that even Mama Tina cant help you with.

It seems that every time we take one step forward, we take 10 steps backwards. First off, America is a land made up of immigrants so unless you’re a native, then everyone should be getting questioned just off GP because there is a likelihood that you’re not a citizen right? White people can come from anywhere, Blacks mostly from Africa, Asians from Asia, Hispanics from Central America, and so on but I can guarantee you that no one will be harassed except for Hispanics; Mexicans in particular since they have the highest population amongst Hispanics in America. Why is it that we are worried about Mexicans and not “Russian Spies” or “Middle Eastern Terrorists” or anyone else.

My mom and a friend of mine have similar view points. yea i see that point of view which is the same that my mom, an immigrant had. Americans now have to jump through language speaking hoops to get a job to accommodate people who aren’t even supposed to be here. That part I do agree with them on because i feel like if they’re gonna be here fine, but why should we conform to their needs when. I used to go to mexico, wasn’t nobody worried about if I could communicate with the locals. When I went to china the people at the school tried their damndest to speak English but outside of campus, they didnt give a fuck which I can respect because I was in their country. How dare I or any of my classmates think we can go to their country and no have the diligence to try to communicate what we need to them. But in America, were forced to have to be bilingual to have a better chance of getting a job when in the long run, English will always be the official language of the USA. I do agree that if they want to get ahead in “our country” then they need to assimilate.

I guess all we can do at this point is wait and see how things turn out in America, the land of the free… and the home of discrimination.

Four score and seven years ago, actually it wasn’t that long ago but yall know I’m literary, I used to get it in with this girl.  I knew that it would never go anywhere because I kinda always seen myself with at least a 4 star and she was like a 3.2 star but anyway we used to get it in.  I guess in a sense I mislead her in believing that she and me could be we when all I wanted to do was hump.  I know its wrong and I try so hard to not be like the rest but she just made it too easy for me to have things my way all the time.  Anyway we had a vicious cycle and it was mostly my fault.  Even though I secretly knew that nothing would be come of these relations that we were having, I still held this poor girl to a very high standard of what I expected from her.  Because she wanted certain things out of our relations that we had and she thought that I did too, I felt that she should act accordingly regardless of how I secretly felt to myself because the way I felt about her or our situation was never public information.  For all she knew, this was my first love. I hope you guys are following.

We had many volatile exchanges and I’ll take the blame because I would usually start the fight however, she never checked me so she was kind of my enabler in a sense.  I would make hell over all kinds of shit but mostly just saying and doing two different things.  At any rate, one day things came to a head and she basically told me I was crazy and shed call me when she needed because what she is looking for, I cant offer and also because I was mean.  I agreed with her.  Aside from that, I had enough respect for her that I didn’t want to keep up the shirade and because I am playing games, she misses out on finding the love of her life.  Anyways I say all that to say this: she ended up calling me a few times since our pseudo-demise and I’d go, hook her up, leave.  The last time she called me, we actually hung out at a bar and somehow we got into the conversation of religion.  I found out something so devastating, it left even me speechless. She didnt used to have a penis or anything that crazy however, I HAD BEEN SLEEPING WITH AN ATHEIST!

I know the 3 of you who read this are probably like “youre having a conversation about religion at a bar with a girl you plan on fuckin in the next hour” but to me its deeper than that.  I know that sex is not something that us single folk are supposed to be indulging in however, I would feel a lot better if I were sinning with someone who also felt somewhat condemned after we did our deed?  Is this wrong of me?  Is it wrong that I would rather convince a follower of God to commit sins than sleep around with people who have no morals anyway?  I would think that ideally, I shouldn’t want to waiver anyone elses spirituality so an atheist would be the perfect people to get it in with because what you do with them only affects you when its time for judgement day or asking for forgiveness or what have we.  When you try to get it in with someone who believes that what you’re doing is wrong, I feel like at some point not only will one of you want to encourage the other one to not want to do what you are or have been doing but also that you dont have that guilt of being responsible for someone who doesn’t make it to heaven because they never repented or did what they had to do to  get right with di lawd before their time was up.

All in all, no one on this earth is meant to make it through life alone.  A friend of mine once told me that when you have sex with someone, you open yourself up spiritually to that person and being connected to someone in that way allows you to take on their spirit and I believe that.  Basically, if that person is a bad person you will start to change the way you are, unconsciously and be more like them.  I think its like you’re putting your spirit in a vulnerable position (missionary) to be overcome by evil.  Lauryn Hill taught us that the sin that did Jezebel was being a Muslim and sleeping with a djinn… well, I wont go into that because it sounds all kinds of wrong (in regards to that being the sin that did Jez in)  but I think she has the right idea though. Save your soul, fuck a Christian.