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Whatchu Talmbout?

don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

Category Archives: somebody gettin fired

I live in a pretty nice apartment complex that I was lucky to even get in on because of a special. With that said, I expect certain things from my complex. No one to be parked in my stall when I creep in, all appliances to be in excellent working order, when I make a work order for something I expect for it to be processed immediately, so on and so forth. Most things are ok however there is one thing about my apartment complex that I can NOT stand. My neighbors.

Dont get me wrong, all of my neighbors are not trifelin but the ones who live directly above me are nothing short of uncouth. This is my first time living on the first floor (i was on the second floor prior to this arrangement) and I was gassed about living on the first floor because only first floor apartments have hardwood floors. Another reason I was excited about living on the first floor is because i like to exercise at home me jump-roping, kick boxing etc was not what was poppin on the second floor and at my last spot, the neighbors that lived below me would call maintenance quicker than I could say “I was jes plehn.” So I take advantage of living on the first floor because only thing that lives below me is the devil and I dont gibba fidduck abidout disturbing him because #weoffthat but it seems like my neighbors above me dont give a fidduck abidout the sleep that I be tryna get. All into the night they got beer pong jumpin off, obstacle courses, musical chairs, I mean EVERYTHING. This has to come to an end and when I get a full time paying gig, IT WILL. The neighbors are gonna know my name because I’m going up there personally on a “yall need to keep that shit at a dull roar” tip.

Until then, Ill be in the gym in case shit pops off and I have to call Mama Tina, Solange and Daniel nem. Yall know they keeps it real greasy (usually when it comes to Tina’s first born though) I figure hell, I never made fun of Beyonce so I’m practically like family and you know me and Sola… well, its complicated but you know. Anyways Ill keep the two of you who be checkin for me tuned in.


Four score and seven years ago, actually it wasn’t that long ago but yall know I’m literary, I used to get it in with this girl.  I knew that it would never go anywhere because I kinda always seen myself with at least a 4 star and she was like a 3.2 star but anyway we used to get it in.  I guess in a sense I mislead her in believing that she and me could be we when all I wanted to do was hump.  I know its wrong and I try so hard to not be like the rest but she just made it too easy for me to have things my way all the time.  Anyway we had a vicious cycle and it was mostly my fault.  Even though I secretly knew that nothing would be come of these relations that we were having, I still held this poor girl to a very high standard of what I expected from her.  Because she wanted certain things out of our relations that we had and she thought that I did too, I felt that she should act accordingly regardless of how I secretly felt to myself because the way I felt about her or our situation was never public information.  For all she knew, this was my first love. I hope you guys are following.

We had many volatile exchanges and I’ll take the blame because I would usually start the fight however, she never checked me so she was kind of my enabler in a sense.  I would make hell over all kinds of shit but mostly just saying and doing two different things.  At any rate, one day things came to a head and she basically told me I was crazy and shed call me when she needed because what she is looking for, I cant offer and also because I was mean.  I agreed with her.  Aside from that, I had enough respect for her that I didn’t want to keep up the shirade and because I am playing games, she misses out on finding the love of her life.  Anyways I say all that to say this: she ended up calling me a few times since our pseudo-demise and I’d go, hook her up, leave.  The last time she called me, we actually hung out at a bar and somehow we got into the conversation of religion.  I found out something so devastating, it left even me speechless. She didnt used to have a penis or anything that crazy however, I HAD BEEN SLEEPING WITH AN ATHEIST!

I know the 3 of you who read this are probably like “youre having a conversation about religion at a bar with a girl you plan on fuckin in the next hour” but to me its deeper than that.  I know that sex is not something that us single folk are supposed to be indulging in however, I would feel a lot better if I were sinning with someone who also felt somewhat condemned after we did our deed?  Is this wrong of me?  Is it wrong that I would rather convince a follower of God to commit sins than sleep around with people who have no morals anyway?  I would think that ideally, I shouldn’t want to waiver anyone elses spirituality so an atheist would be the perfect people to get it in with because what you do with them only affects you when its time for judgement day or asking for forgiveness or what have we.  When you try to get it in with someone who believes that what you’re doing is wrong, I feel like at some point not only will one of you want to encourage the other one to not want to do what you are or have been doing but also that you dont have that guilt of being responsible for someone who doesn’t make it to heaven because they never repented or did what they had to do to  get right with di lawd before their time was up.

All in all, no one on this earth is meant to make it through life alone.  A friend of mine once told me that when you have sex with someone, you open yourself up spiritually to that person and being connected to someone in that way allows you to take on their spirit and I believe that.  Basically, if that person is a bad person you will start to change the way you are, unconsciously and be more like them.  I think its like you’re putting your spirit in a vulnerable position (missionary) to be overcome by evil.  Lauryn Hill taught us that the sin that did Jezebel was being a Muslim and sleeping with a djinn… well, I wont go into that because it sounds all kinds of wrong (in regards to that being the sin that did Jez in)  but I think she has the right idea though. Save your soul, fuck a Christian.

For some reason, it always saddens me to see celebrities get strung the fuck out and head down a downward spiral.  I think it has something to do with the fact that they had so much success (in most cases) and then they go back to nothing.  In the video below, you will be able to listen to a radio interview of Bizzy Bone of Bone Thugs and Harmony discuss homelessness and his relationship with the Most High.

Lazy Bone, Krazyie Bone, Neck Bone hell, SOMEBODY, come get ya boy.

elliekeepsitrill kept it a little too trill and will no longer be an author on this blog. Due to conflict of interest/ irreconcilable differences, we have decided that it is best for us to part ways. I will be the sole contributor to this blog until further notice.