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Whatchu Talmbout?

don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

Category Archives: where yo boss at

I live in a pretty nice apartment complex that I was lucky to even get in on because of a special. With that said, I expect certain things from my complex. No one to be parked in my stall when I creep in, all appliances to be in excellent working order, when I make a work order for something I expect for it to be processed immediately, so on and so forth. Most things are ok however there is one thing about my apartment complex that I can NOT stand. My neighbors.

Dont get me wrong, all of my neighbors are not trifelin but the ones who live directly above me are nothing short of uncouth. This is my first time living on the first floor (i was on the second floor prior to this arrangement) and I was gassed about living on the first floor because only first floor apartments have hardwood floors. Another reason I was excited about living on the first floor is because i like to exercise at home me jump-roping, kick boxing etc was not what was poppin on the second floor and at my last spot, the neighbors that lived below me would call maintenance quicker than I could say “I was jes plehn.” So I take advantage of living on the first floor because only thing that lives below me is the devil and I dont gibba fidduck abidout disturbing him because #weoffthat but it seems like my neighbors above me dont give a fidduck abidout the sleep that I be tryna get. All into the night they got beer pong jumpin off, obstacle courses, musical chairs, I mean EVERYTHING. This has to come to an end and when I get a full time paying gig, IT WILL. The neighbors are gonna know my name because I’m going up there personally on a “yall need to keep that shit at a dull roar” tip.

Until then, Ill be in the gym in case shit pops off and I have to call Mama Tina, Solange and Daniel nem. Yall know they keeps it real greasy (usually when it comes to Tina’s first born though) I figure hell, I never made fun of Beyonce so I’m practically like family and you know me and Sola… well, its complicated but you know. Anyways Ill keep the two of you who be checkin for me tuned in.

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I have began to start noticing an increase in the amount of roadkill that I see on the side of and in the middle of the road when I am driving around town carrying on with my everyday activities. It has gotten so bad that its not a matter of will I see a dead animal its moreso what will I see today and when? Me personally, I have never been one to round up pets and go on a trip (because while my car may be a bucket, my bucket has leather seats and I aint with holes in my seats) and if my dogs so much as dare to get out, we are chasing them down the street and my little sister is putting up our pre-printed “Lost Dog, $10,000.00 reward” posters and calling the respectives dogs life insurance provider (shit, we care about our muts). Because a lot of the animals that I see on the side of the roads, are on the side of the road, I am going to go with said animal has jumped out the window because its irresponsible owner did not strap it down with a seat belt/dog aint got no home trainin. I am going to explain my theory on this matter.

The dog is suicidal.

Dogs are just like babies so whatever you do, dog does, whatever you go thru, dog goes thru and so on. You may think to yourself HOGWASH, but it makes perfect sense when you think this thru.

WE IS IN A RECESH!

Pets are the first to experience their families cutting costs because many people tend to confuse dogs for “Mikey” who eats anything. The dog that used to eat canned dog food everyday now eats dry dog food. Pets born and raised on Iams and Kibbles and Bits are now reduced to generic brands of dog foods and for many pets, this is tramatizing. When we adoped Leese, bitch was used to eating wet food 3 times a day but my mom was not havin it. It took us years of hand feeding her dry food to cure her from anorexia nervosa and to teach her how to chew dry food. She almost died but now she is very healthy and its all because we took the initiative to accomodate her yet put a bitch in her place and let her know who was boss. Many families change foods on their pets and dont have time to make sure the pet is eating and coping with the change in food types so what does the pet do as soon as it is in a car? It jumps out the window, typically on a freeway, which is guarenteed suicide because some of the people on the freeway…thats another story for another blog.

I know this theory has to be true because last week, I went to get sushi and when I was only able to order 3 rolls as opposed to 4, it took everything in me not to burst into tears and then convince the owner their prices are too damn high, and I that I have left enough in tips on previous visits that either I get my rolls for free.99 or they reinburse me for my past tips so I can afford them. Please people keep an eye on your pets and take the extra step to make sure they are happy campers. You owe it to them, but more importantly you owe it to yourself.

-@k_rokadocious