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Whatchu Talmbout?

don't let the doorknob hit you, where the injection shots made you thicker.

In efforts to make my blog (a little) less ratchet, I actually have a serious topic to talk about.

Here goes…

Sometimes I feel like, and I hate to be cliché, that people are in your life for a reason/season/lifetime. And the only reason that people should be in your life is if they have something to offer you. I don’t mean moneys or pussy and/or dick I mean like intellectually. So I’ve decided. The people in my life need to have something to teach me. Not formally as in, I get out my notebook and study your lesson, but indirectly. I figure. If I can’t learn something from you, then you’re not doing anything to make me a better person, leaving me stagnant.

So what do you do when you realize your favorite people have nothing to offer? They’re fun, you have a good time with them and they get you into all the latest hotspots but said friend does not make you wanna be a better person, nor do they teach you the ins and outs of life. It doesn’t (have to) mean I don’t want to be your friend anymore because I’ve never been one to burn bridges for no good reason. It just means I aint fuckin with you like that.  When you step your pussy and/or dick up, we’ll talk but until then, ill fuck with you on facebook.

I actually learned this years ago fro a friend I used to work with back in my cheesecake slangin days. She told me that she had broken up with her ex-bf because she felt like there was nothing she could learn from him anymore. The relationship had been going well however they were stagnant. So she dumped him. I never really thought about it much but it always resonated with me and now I think I’m ready to apply her philosophic teachings to my own life. Thank you Morgan Hebb.



For some reason, it always saddens me to see celebrities get strung the fuck out and head down a downward spiral.  I think it has something to do with the fact that they had so much success (in most cases) and then they go back to nothing.  In the video below, you will be able to listen to a radio interview of Bizzy Bone of Bone Thugs and Harmony discuss homelessness and his relationship with the Most High.

Lazy Bone, Krazyie Bone, Neck Bone hell, SOMEBODY, come get ya boy.

I really think the world stopped the day Michael Jackson passed away. I know for sure that I will, as well as everyone else, will be able to tell their grandchildren where they were and what they were doing at the moment Mike passed. This celebrity death stands out to me not because he is famous but because I don’t ‘remember a time’ (no pun intended) when Mike wasn’t around. Michael is a legend and to regard him as anything less would be a downright lie.

With that said, there has been a lot of people who have become fans of Michael just because he died and I don’t think that is right. The same people who made fun or Mike for his mysteriously vanishing nose and the vanishing base in his voice now have 23 hours of Michaels music in their iTunes and can do the Thriller dance backwards….. IDK I am kind of getting on my own knerves with this blog because on the one hand, the point I am tryna make is that you shouldnt feel inclined to “love” Michael now that he is dead but on the other hand, who the fuck do I think I am to tell people what they can and can’t do, who they can and can’t like. I never wanted to be one of those people who think that they can dictate how others should feel because one thing I did learn is college is that there is no connection between “what is” and “what ought to be” meaning that just because i think something should be a certain way doesn’t mean that is my opinion is justification enought that it should be that way…I hope you all are following me…the 2 of you who read this blog that is.

Let me start over and just speak for myself:

Michael is dead now, and yes it is sad, but I am not going to pretend like I didn’t think he was strange for this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

or this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I had quite a few songs of his on my iPod because no matter how strange he was, nigga put out some good songs and when I get in the mood to hear a specific MJ song I will download but not just because he died. I want to remember Michael for what he was and the relationship that I had with him..if that makes any sense. What I am trying to convey, albeit not very articulate, is that I am not going to become MJ’s biggest fan because he died. I also want to remember Mike for what he contributed to the world which is good music, great fashion and proof that anything is possible:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I kid.


Recently, I was on and off to the right of the page I saw “Pamela Anderson Xplicit video”. Naturally, I clicked on it because they had a picture of a bword lifting up tittie and covering nipple with hand like so Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The video I saw was much better than I had imagined it to be and with that said, I will no longer eat KFC.

To join the protest against The Colonel, click here


Dear Danyel Smith, Editor in Chief at Vibe Magazine,

Vibe magazine has been one of my favorite magazine for years. The covers are always eye catching and edgy and off all the urban magazines, Vibe has been the classiest. I have not started to notice a decrease in quality until recently when Rihanna was on the cover of the magazine during the whole situation with Chris Brown. This particular issue and the ones following it have had unfunny 20 questions at the end (well except the comment about Amber Rose looking like that robot thing in the issue that Eminem covered), irrelevant cover stories and fashion spreads that are nothing short of dull.

This is the final straw Danyel. The first strike was when I signed up last year for a 2 year subsciption for 11.95 and was provided one years worth of magazines. I said I want gone trip because 11.95 was better than buying it for magazine stand price every month anyway.
Strike 2 was not having a photoshoot of Rihanna for the May 09 issue that had the blue cover and her in black and white. I could have made this on photoshop using a youtube tutorial. Strike 3 is just an accumulation of all the foolishness that I have had to put up with throughout the duration of my relationship with you.

This is an ultimadum. Either put Solange on the cover since you failed to do so whenever she dropped her CD or I will be forced to treat you like an ex scientologist gets treated by practicing scientologist.

I love you and I wont take no for an answer.


I have began to start noticing an increase in the amount of roadkill that I see on the side of and in the middle of the road when I am driving around town carrying on with my everyday activities. It has gotten so bad that its not a matter of will I see a dead animal its moreso what will I see today and when? Me personally, I have never been one to round up pets and go on a trip (because while my car may be a bucket, my bucket has leather seats and I aint with holes in my seats) and if my dogs so much as dare to get out, we are chasing them down the street and my little sister is putting up our pre-printed “Lost Dog, $10,000.00 reward” posters and calling the respectives dogs life insurance provider (shit, we care about our muts). Because a lot of the animals that I see on the side of the roads, are on the side of the road, I am going to go with said animal has jumped out the window because its irresponsible owner did not strap it down with a seat belt/dog aint got no home trainin. I am going to explain my theory on this matter.

The dog is suicidal.

Dogs are just like babies so whatever you do, dog does, whatever you go thru, dog goes thru and so on. You may think to yourself HOGWASH, but it makes perfect sense when you think this thru.


Pets are the first to experience their families cutting costs because many people tend to confuse dogs for “Mikey” who eats anything. The dog that used to eat canned dog food everyday now eats dry dog food. Pets born and raised on Iams and Kibbles and Bits are now reduced to generic brands of dog foods and for many pets, this is tramatizing. When we adoped Leese, bitch was used to eating wet food 3 times a day but my mom was not havin it. It took us years of hand feeding her dry food to cure her from anorexia nervosa and to teach her how to chew dry food. She almost died but now she is very healthy and its all because we took the initiative to accomodate her yet put a bitch in her place and let her know who was boss. Many families change foods on their pets and dont have time to make sure the pet is eating and coping with the change in food types so what does the pet do as soon as it is in a car? It jumps out the window, typically on a freeway, which is guarenteed suicide because some of the people on the freeway…thats another story for another blog.

I know this theory has to be true because last week, I went to get sushi and when I was only able to order 3 rolls as opposed to 4, it took everything in me not to burst into tears and then convince the owner their prices are too damn high, and I that I have left enough in tips on previous visits that either I get my rolls for free.99 or they reinburse me for my past tips so I can afford them. Please people keep an eye on your pets and take the extra step to make sure they are happy campers. You owe it to them, but more importantly you owe it to yourself.


elliekeepsitrill kept it a little too trill and will no longer be an author on this blog. Due to conflict of interest/ irreconcilable differences, we have decided that it is best for us to part ways. I will be the sole contributor to this blog until further notice.